


all i want to get is a little bit closer

by thefudge



Category: Never Have I Ever (TV)
Genre: Crushes, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Learning Disabilities, Tutoring, ost: tegan and sara - closer, ost: violent femmes - blister in the sun, this is...so dumb u guys but i love it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:55:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24480886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefudge/pseuds/thefudge
Summary: When Devi signed up for the Buddy System project at school, she was hoping to a) get Principal Grubbs off her back for some of her recent “unacceptable” behavior, b) have a good extra-curricular activity on her college resume, c) appease her disappointed mother and show her she could be responsible, and d) end up tutoring Paxton Hall-Yoshida.She got paired up with Trent Harrison instead.Yippee.(Devi/Trent + Ben/Paxton)
Relationships: Ben Gross/Paxton Hall-Yoshida, Devi Vishwakumar/Trent Harrison, Trent Harrison/Devi Vishwakumar
Comments: 61
Kudos: 87





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> listen...i don't know, okay? maybe i just like going against the grain, maybe i couldn't pick between ben and paxton, maybe i'm addicted to rarepairs and crackships but!!! i'm going to ride this solo vessel proudly. obviously, since we don't know that much about Trent i've made stuff up. idk what it is about this kid's dumb energy, but i feel like it works well with Devi's? Lol, once again i am the only one who wants to read this mess, but I hope you enjoy!
> 
> P.S. 1: i'm currently doing a big Daria rewatch, and i was so excited to hear the name trent on a different show lol. i really do feel like the two Trents would get along.  
> P.S. 2: i'm probably going to write for the canon pairs eventually, cuz i do like their individual dynamics, but...let me first get this nonsense out of my brain.  
> P.S. 3: my knowledge of video games is as scant as Devi's, so anyway!  
> P.S. 4: yes, u read that right...i'm putting ben and paxton together *evil laugh* (that stare-off they had in the hallway when ben was wondering who to ask to the game? pls!)

1/2

When Devi signed up for the Buddy System project at school, she was hoping to a) get Principal Grubbs off her back for some of her recent “unacceptable” behavior, b) have a good extra-curricular activity on her college resume, c) appease her disappointed mother and show her she could be responsible, and d) end up tutoring Paxton Hall-Yoshida.

She got paired up with Trent Harrison instead.

Yippee.

Devi'd never had any patience for the “chill bro” antics of one Trent Harrison. She did not enjoy his pranks or his inane comments that were supposed to serve as jokes. She could say she tolerated Trent, at best, and had to concede that he was good looking enough to be part of the popular gang of unattainable boys at her school. But she often theorized that, left on his own and separated from the “hot pack”, Trent would hardly have the same appeal.

He especially did _not_ have any appeal as her current charity case. 

The Buddy System had been conceived to meet the needs of low-achieving students by pairing them up with high-achieving students. But Devi thought it should’ve been called the _Mother_ System, because her role was basically being the school-mom of an overgrown child who still liked to put fart bags on teachers' seats. It was actually pretty Indian, when she stopped to think about it.

Trent was excited.

“Coyote girl! All right! We’re gonna have so much fun! You can do my homework and I can show you the cheat codes in _Call of Duty_.”

Devi groaned. It was going to be a super long, super lame year.

Of course, Ben wasted no time in making fun of her.

“You got _Trent_? I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy, which happens to be you. Oh wait, I guess I do wish it.”

And he grinned in that really obnoxious way that made Devi want to break all his teeth. 

“Like you got someone better,” she drawled.

His grin got even smarmier, if possible. “I did. Paxton Hall-Yoshida.”

Devi’s mouth parted. “No freaking way.”

“Way. I’m gonna have a really fun time telling him all about your dumb crush.”

Devi tried to play it cool. “Oh yeah? Maybe _you’re_ the one with the crush.”

Ben scoffed. “Me? Why would I have a crush on him? I have a girlfriend.”

Devi smiled. She liked hitting his buttons. “Doesn’t mean you can’t like him. I’ve seen you staring.”

“I do _not_ stare at him. You’re just projecting, _David_.”

“Maybe, maybe not. Guess you’ll find out,” she murmured, sweeping past him like she had just check-mated that conversation.

But the truth was she was still stuck with Trent, while her arch-nemesis got to tutor the man of her dreams.

Ugh.

“Aww, why are you sad, Coyote Girl?”

“My name is Devi,” she grunted as she flipped a page in his battered notebook. “And this essay is unintelligible. “Resolvation” is not a word, Trent.”

He leaned over, putting down the game controls.

“Oh. But didn’t, like, smart people invent new words all the time?”

“Sure…but I don’t think you’re qualified to come up with your own thesaurus.”

Trent made a face. “Why would I make up a dinosaur?”

Devi hit her face with the notebook. “You know what? Let’s just play some video games.”

“Now you’re talking!”

And he patted the seat on the couch next to him. Devi sat down uneasily. Technically, his mom was upstairs, but the house felt deserted.

“Go ahead and get comfy, Lil D. Take your shoes off and prop your feet on the table.”

“Um, okay. Should we order pizza?”

Trent shook his head. “Nah, I don’t eat when I play. I take this stuff pretty seriously, you know.”

Devi threw him a look. “If only you spared this level of attention to other stuff too." 

“That would be _so_ dumb,” he said, passing her the controls.

Devi pressed a button at random. “So, how do you work this thing?”

Trent, for once, looked absolutely scandalized. “Wait, you’ve _never_ played? Like, anything?”

Devi shrugged. “I mean, do computer games about cute Dalmatians count?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Well, then no. My mom thinks video games are a waste of precious academic time. And honestly, I’d rather be watching a TV show.”

“But – but that’s so _grandma_ ," he blurted out. “You just sit there and watch other people do stuff? Instead of like, actively engaging with a totally different world?”

Devi blinked. Okay, that was a surprisingly compelling argument from someone who didn’t take his cap off indoors. 

“O-kay?”

“Video games are _art,_ dude _._ Wait, I’m gonna show you a really smart one for nerds.”

Devi had to admit, _Bioshock_ was pretty interesting.

“I can’t believe a video game is using Ayn Rand’s philosophy as a starting off point.”

“I know, right? That chick was insane!” he grinned as he helped her navigate through the underground city of Rapture.

“Wait, you know about her?”

“I read half of her Wikipedia page,” he bragged, puffing up his chest.

Devi smiled. “Better than nothing, I guess.” She turned back to the game. “These graphics are pretty dope.”

“Oh, you’ve seen nothing yet! Wait till we get to the sequels.”

They played until late afternoon when Mrs. Harrison, dressed in some kind of sparkly leotard, brought them a plate of lukewarm mac and cheese and non-alcoholic beers.

It was, she hates to say it, kind of fun.

Devi was walking with Eleanor and Fabiola to their usual table across the court when a voice called out her name from the hot boys’ corner. 

“Yo, Devi! _God of War_ this afternoon at my place!”

Trent was sitting up on the bench, punching his fist in the air like he’d just won the Superbowl.

The other boys snickered and exchanged glances. Paxton looked distracted, head lowered, deep in thought. Devi wondered what was eating at him.

She smiled weakly and lifted her fist. “God of War, sure!”

Trent grinned.

Fabiola elbowed her. “What was _that_ all about?”

Devi sank down in her seat. “Uhh, you know how I’ve been tutoring Trent?”

“Yeah, mission impossible, we know,” Eleanor chimed in.

“More like mission never attempted. We’ve mostly just been playing video games and watching his mom do yoga in the other room.”

“Ooh, isn’t that kind of weird and boring?”

Devi shrugged. “It’s not so bad. I’m learning a lot about Norse mythology.”

“If you say so.”

They were running up the colorful Bifrost, Trent yelling in her ear to go faster or they’d get stuck between worlds, Devi telling him to “ _shut up, I got this!_ ” when her phone started buzzing.

“Ignore it,” he mumbled, hyper-focused, leaning into her, elbow to elbow as they both evaded the obstacles and climbed up to Midgard’s peak.

They reached the top just in time and slumped back on the couch, relieved.

“That was intense,” he breathed out.

“Yeah.” Devi wiped actual sweat from her brow and checked her phone.

Kamala was texting her.

_Where are you???_

_Your mother is going to kill me if you’re not home for dinner._

“Shit, how long have we been playing? I gotta head home. I’m in _so_ much trouble.”

Trent looked a little disappointed. “Oh…it’s cool. My mom can take you home.”

But there was no car in the driveway. Trent’s mom had left for work hours ago.

Devi heaved a sigh. “Great, I’m gonna have to call a Lyft.”

“I mean, I can take you on my scooter.”

Devi blinked. “You have a scooter?”

It wasn’t like her dad’s. It _wasn’t_. It looked nothing like it. But she was still having a really bad chemical reaction to it. Her stomach felt watery, like she was about to throw up.

“You okay, Lil D?”

“Um, sure. I’ve just – never ridden one before.”

She meant to say, never ridden one without her father. But if she said that she’d start crying.

“It’s no big deal,” Trent said, passing her the helmet. 

“Wait, where’s _your_ helmet?”

“There’s only the one.”

“That’s super unsafe, Trent.”

“Don’t worry, my head’s pretty tough. Your head is like, smart and shit. You gotta protect it.”

Devi made a face. “You’re such a dumbass.”

Trent grinned. “Hop on and hold tight!”

She thought she’d be sick, or worse. But holding onto Trent’s skinny waist was nothing like holding onto her dad’s, which was a relief. In fact, it was kind of fun. Except for the part where Trent’s hair flew into her face and mouth. She did her best to spit it out while she leaned her chin on his shoulder.

The ocean breeze hit her nostrils as they drove along the coast. The sun was blinding her, but she liked the feeling of being nowhere. It was sort of nice to lean into him. It managed to keep her dad’s ghost at bay, for a while at least. 

“Hold on, I’m gonna speed up!” Trent called out.

“Wait – _why_?”

“Why not?” he yelled back.

Of course. This was Trent. The kid who did not need a reason to do anything.

Devi held onto him and closed her eyes. She might be joining her father sooner than she imagined.

Miraculously, he got her home without putting them in an early grave.

But she was having a tough time stopping the trembling in all her joints.

“Oh shit, are your legs broken again?!” Trent asked, crouching down, hands on her thighs.

Devi would’ve kneed him in the face, but he seemed genuinely concerned.

She pushed him off gently.

“ _No_. I’m just trying to recover from the _Mad Max_ montage.”

“Cool! Love that movie!”

“What the hell is going on here?” a strident voice rounded on them.

Devi winced. Her mother always looked taller when she was mad.

“Devi, explain to me why you’re currently straddling this…long-haired boy’s motorcycle?”

“It’s a scooter, mom –”

“Did I not say you weren’t allowed to ride scooters?”

“No, you said I wasn’t allowed to ride _dad’s_ scooter, but–”

“I’m sorry, ma’am, I was just giving her a ride home. I don’t have my own car yet,” Trent put in sheepishly. “But once I get a car, I’m gonna give her a ride in it.”

Nalini’s eyes narrowed. “Don’t call me _ma’am_ , I’m not one hundred. And you’ll certainly not be giving her rides in your car.”

“But she’s my Buddy System ...Buddy,” Trent said innocently.

“She’s _what_?”

“Remember, mom, I told you about that,” Devi talked over him quickly. “I’m tutoring low-achieving students.”

“Oh, so on top off him being a boy, he will also amount to nothing. Perfect.”

“It’s only for a few more months,” she mumbled, pulling her aside.

“I’m going to call that principal and make her switch him with a girl.”

Devi balked at the thought. While she wasn’t happy about babysitting Trent, many of the girls on the program had dated Paxton or were _currently_ dating him. And they weren’t exactly the friendly type. She wasn’t planning on serving her mother another lie, but it had lately become so easy to just fabricate everything.

“You can’t do that because… ah…Trent is special needs.” 

Her mother’s eyebrows went up. She looked back at the hairy teenager who waved at her in perfect oblivion.

"He is? Poor boy."

“Yeah. The teachers trusted me with him because I’m responsible, you know. It would be pretty crappy of me to just drop him.”

Nalini looked over Trent. “Yes…it would certainly look bad. Oh, bless the gods _you’re_ normal.”

“That’s pretty offensive, mom.”

“Sorry,” Nalini mumbled. “I know. We should have him for dinner tonight.”

“Wait, I don’t think –”

“And from now on, you’re working _here_. I’m sure I can trust you two to behave under my roof.” 

Devi sighed. It’s true what they say, you reap what you sow.

Devi felt really bad about the lie. She wondered if she was actually a bad person, if maybe she’d been denying it all this time. Watching Trent at dinner made her feel both better and worse. Better, because her mother and cousin totally bought that he was “special” and worse because ...her mother and cousin totally bought that he was “special”.

“So Trent…what would you like to do after you graduate?” her mother asked tentatively, watching him put even more hot sauce over the kolhapuri chicken.

“Easy!” he said between bites. “I want to design video games, but not like, do the hard computer stuff, just you know, come up with ideas and visuals. I’d be pretty good at that.”

Nalini smiled a forced smile. “That sounds… very creative.”

“Devi could do the computer part, actually! She’s so smart, she’d totally nail it,” Trent said, smiling in her direction.

“Oh, is that so?” her mother asked, looking at her pointedly. “Are you thinking of becoming a Silicon Valley slacker instead of a respectable medical doctor?”

Devi’s shoulders slumped. “Can we not talk about major life decisions over dinner? I’m not even done with tenth grade.”

Trent stuffed more chicken in his mouth. Kamala watched with rapt attention.

“Look,” she whispered to Devi, “he hasn’t taken a sip of water once! Have you seen a white boy eat this much spicy food?”

Devi had to admit it was pretty singular.

She walked Trent to his scooter after dinner.

“Sorry about... all of that. I guess we’ll have to relocate here from now on.”

“Are you kidding? That was the best chicken I ever had! I don’t mind coming here if I get to eat more of it.”

Devi half-smiled. Good thing Trent did most of his thinking with his stomach.

“No more video games, though.”

His face clouded for a moment. “That sucks…we’ll have to do actual school work, huh?”

Devi nodded mournfully.

“Hey, we’ll make it work,” he said, sounding like a guy on his third marriage. “Maybe you can still come over. Like, it’ll be our secret.”

Devi was about to comment how it was kind of _absurd_ to sneak out with a boy just to play video games, but she decided not to ruin whatever weird rapport they had.

“Sure, Trent.”

He smiled and waved goodbye, _not_ watching the road as he drove away.

She sighed.

And realized a few moments later he’d left the helmet on the grass in front of her house.

Devi picked it up, shaking her head.

Devi looked over the textbooks she’d lined up on the kitchen table. This was going to feel like a Bollywood marathon, but without any dancing.

Trent walked in and dumped his schoolbag on the floor.

“Your cousin is so hot. But like, in a respectful way.”

Devi rolled her eyes. She glanced out the window where Kamala was currently sunbathing. “Yeah, she’s America’s Next Top Model.”

“Do you think you’ll grow up to be like that?”

Devi burst into laughter. “Me? Only if I undergo a face transplant.”

“Neah, you’re cute.”

Devi blinked. Had she heard that right? 

Trent took off his baseball cap. He ran his hands through his hair, trying to smooth down the curls.

Devi cleared her throat. Okay – so admittedly, that was a good look, sometimes.

“Your mom said I should not wear hats indoors,” he said. “Sorry, didn’t have time to brush it. Actually, I never brush it.”

Maybe it was him calling her cute, but Devi couldn’t think of anything to say except, “Um, I could brush your hair.”

Of all the things she thought she’d be doing with boys at fifteen, this was…not on the list.

She’d never had a pony fixation as a kid where she spent hours brushing synthetic horse hair. That had been Eleanor. 

But here they were in _her_ room, and Trent was sitting on the edge of _her_ bed, and he was letting her brush his hair. She hadn't even thought to close the door, because there was nothing happening, really. And yet the whole thing still felt really loaded and intimate. She could feel his warmth through the T-shirt.

Trent didn’t seem to mind. He only made small noises when she wasn’t careful with the kinks.

She ran the brush slowly, holding each strand in her hand.

“Does it hurt?”

“Nah, you’ve got the hang of it.”

The rumble in his voice made her feel antsy. She wanted to fill up the awkward silence, but she couldn’t think of a single thing. Maybe she should talk about Grand Theft Auto, or something.

“Hey…how come you know?” he finally asked.

“Know what?”

“About my, uhh, disability.”

Devi lowered the brush. “What are you talking about?”

“I heard you telling your mom about me being special needs…” he trailed off.

Devi dropped the brush entirely. “Oh God, Trent, I’m so sorry! I just told her that to get her off my back, I didn’t mean anything by it –”

“Yeah, but how did you _know_?” he asked, turning around and meeting her eyes. 

“I didn’t – wait, what am I supposed to know?”

Trent lowered his eyes. His thumb and forefinger worked the thread in her quilt. “I’m dyslexic.”

Devi’s eyes widened.

“Oh…I had no idea.”

Trent shrugged. “So you just guessed it. Because I’m kind of slow and stuff?”

“No, that’s not…Trent, dyslexia isn’t a statement on your intelligence. Do the teachers at school know?”

“Of course not,” he muttered. “I mean…I don’t think so. I’d never tell.”

“Trent… you need to let them know you’re having a hard time. This isn’t something you should be ashamed about. They could help you.”

“Everyone would look at me the way you’re looking now.”

“How am I looking at you?”

“Like you pity me.”

“I don’t pity you.”

“I may not be good at reading books, but I can read faces. So…”

“You just took me by surprise. I promise I don’t pity you. Most of the time, I think you’re kind of a douchebag.”

The corner of his mouth turned up. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. Listen, I know I’ve been kind of a bad tutor so far, but I’m gonna help you with this.”

Trent heaved a sigh. “Promise you won’t tell?”

“I promise.”

They pinkie-swore on it.

Kamala stood in the doorway, looking nonplussed. “Why are you touching fingers with the boy, Devi?”

“Did Paxton somehow get more handsome over the weekend?” Eleanor remarked, staring wistfully in his direction.

Devi didn’t judge. Boyfriend or no boyfriend, no one was immune to the star swimmer. She snuck a peek at him across the hallway. Yeah, Paxton was hotter than ever, but his attractiveness was almost off-putting, like you didn’t know what to do with it. She’d certainly had no idea, that one time she got the chance.

Was she always going to chicken out, she wondered? 

And then Trent looked up and caught her staring.

Devi wanted to lower her eyes, but he smiled at her, a small smile that registered with no one else.

“Dev, you’re blushing so hard right now,” Fabiola pointed out.

She sprinted to her next class, ignoring them.

“Okay, I downloaded a Trig app game for you to practice on, and a word mapping app, for when you get ideas or need to brainstorm. I read that it helps to give individual words meaning. I added three audiobooks on your phone; they’re basic intros to Chemistry, Physics, and Biology. I’ve truncated the sections you need to learn this semester and we’re gonna practice them once a week. And I’m gonna record my history notes later on and send them to you, so you don’t have to do too much eye-reading, I hope my voice doesn’t crack, I also made you an educational playlist –”

“Whoa, Devi, slow down…this is incredible.”

Devi exhaled. “I got more. I have the whole semester planned out.”

Trent stared at her in awe. “I…you did all this?”

She laughed, trying to brush it off. “I mean, it’s not like I have a life.”

Trent frowned. “No one’s ever –” He stopped, ran his hand through his hair. “Thank you. This is a lot.”

“I mean I bet you knew about half of this stuff already,” she mumbled, feeling foolish, “I saw you already have audio-books on your phone, though I can’t imagine why anyone would want to listen to the original _Jaws_ book.”

“Hey, the movie doesn’t do it justice! The scene where the chick is swimming in the ocean and gets mauled to death is sooo much better in the book, you gotta listen!”

Trent pulled his hair in a messy knot at the back of his head.

Devi’s stomach did a small flip.

Okay, she thought she was only partial to his discount Fabio look. She had no idea she’d actually like _man buns_. She really had to snap out of it, for the sake of her own pride. 

He put one earbud in and gave her the other.

They leaned in close and listened to the first chapter of _Jaws_ together.

She kind of liked doing stuff with him, dumb stuff. Shutting-off-the-brain stuff.

Stuff she would’ve scoffed at before.

Like letting him teach her how to walk on her hands. It was really dumb, but she liked feeling his hands on her back, keeping her body straight, telling her to ignore the blood rushing to her brain.

They almost scared her mom half to death when she walked in on them upside down.

He also told her he could catch _anything_ with his mouth, so during study breaks she’d throw all kinds of stationery at his face, watching him duck and jump and fail to catch every single one.

One time, he did manage to catch an eraser and _choked_ on it.

Devi and Kamala had to perform the Heimlich maneuver on him. It was pretty awesome. Like sure, he could have died, but Devi felt she had already been touched by death, and so she deserved a free round. 

Maybe it wasn’t airtight logic, but Trent’s enthusiastic recklessness seemed to dig up some missing piece of her, and she knew what that piece was, and she did not want to name it yet.

She closed her eyes and leaned her head against his back as he drove her down to the beach on his scooter.

It was both familiar and new.

**Fabiola** : So…what are u and Trent doing anyway?

 **Devi** : What do u mean?

 **Fabiola** : He’s always at your house

 **Devi** : We have to study. It’s not like I want him here

 **Fabiola** : Suuuure

 **Devi** : Whaaat. What are u implying????????

 **Fabiola** : That’s way too many question marks

The janitor caught them in the computer lab after school. 

They were sitting huddled together, playing _Tomb Raider III_ on an old Microsoft.

They'd tried playing it at Trent's house, but it required the kind of old software still under use by public schools. 

He’d downloaded the game because it was set in India, which he expected her to be _very_ excited about.

Devi kicked him in the shoulder. “You’re an idiot.”

“The graphics are pretty bad, but it’s 1998. Makes you think how people could live back then, you know?” he mused philosophically.

Devi laughed. "You realize 1998 is not 1888." 

"Honestly, what's the difference?" 

“What are you kids doing here?” the janitor called out, flashing the light in their faces.

Trent took her hand in his.

They jumped over desks and stumbled over cable wires. 

They ran down the corridor, faces tight with joy.

When Eleanor texted her about a "major scandal" at school, Devi felt cold sweats all over her body.

Had anyone seen them? Had they jumped to conclusions? But _what_ conclusions? 

They were just playing video games, it's not like they were doing anything _wrong_ \- 

She was weirdly disappointed when it turned out to have nothing to do with her. Ben had broken up with Shira during one of her Insta lives. 

Devi almost screamed when she heard the tap on the window. She shouldn’t have been reading that sexy thriller after ten PM, even if the grizzly detective was really hot.

What if it was a serial killer trying to get in? What if he was bent on killing Hindu girls who had not prayed to Vishnu in weeks? What if Uncle Aravind was _right_ about the perils of not installing home security?

She sidled to the other side of the bed and peeked at the shadow blocking the window.

Wait – was that –

“ _Trent_?”

Devi pulled off the covers. She pattered to the window and raised the sash.

“What the hell are you doing?”

Trent heaved himself up on the window ledge, pulling the hair away from his face. He looked a little winded.

“Hey, Devi. Cute PJs.”

She crossed her arms over her thin top and glared at him.

“You scared the shit out of me! Did you just _climb_ up here?”

“I saw another guy doing it earlier when I left today,” he said by way of explanation.

“Oh…That was Steve.”

“Friend of yours?”

“He’s Kamala’s boyfriend. Well, secret boyfriend. Care to explain what on _earth_ you’re doing?”

Trent ducked his head. “Uh, I left my earbuds at your place.”

Devi blinked. “Trent. It’s past midnight.”

“Yeah, and I really need to study for the test. I can’t do it without the earbuds.”

“And you couldn’t just use our front door?”

“Didn’t wanna wake your mom. She’s kind of scary at this time of night. Or, I guess during the day too -”

Like clockwork, Devi heard the voice from across the hall.

“Devi? Who are you talking to? What is that noise?”

Devi panicked. “Too late! Quick! Hide!”

The smart thing to do would have been to make Trent climb back down the window, instead of pulling him inside and making him hide under the bed.

But he had a talent for getting her to do really dumb things.

When her mother opened the door, Devi was perched atop the bed, pretending to rub sleep from her eyes.

“Sorry, mom, I think I had a nightmare.”

“Huh. I could’ve sworn I heard something outside. Are you all right?”

“Yeah, I was only startled. I just need to go back to sleep –”

“Why is the window open?” her mother asked, eyes narrowing.

Devi swallowed. “Um, I was sweating a lot? Because of the nightmare.”

“You’re going to catch pneumonia instead,” she chided, shutting the panes tightly. “Now, back to sleep.”

Devi waited until she heard the click of her mother’s own bedroom door before she climbed to the edge of the bed.

“Coast is clear,” she whispered, “but you have to go now!”

Trent’s head popped out from under the bed. She looked down at him. He looked up at her. It was sort of funny. She had a boy under her bed.

He raised himself on his elbows. Suddenly, his face was pretty close. Devi held her breath. He craned his neck. “Can I borrow _your_ earbuds then?”

Devi rolled her eyes and pushed off the bed.

She wanted to tell someone about it.

She wanted to tell her friends. But she wasn’t sure _what_ she wanted to tell them. That Trent had climbed up her window? That he’d hid under the bed? That it had been like in the movies?

But it wasn’t _like_ in the movies, because she didn’t like him that way and he _definitely_ didn’t like her that way, and this was _Trent_.

So she just had to keep it to herself and drive herself insane with it, which she was pretty good at.

“Pickles or no pickles?” she asked, while he passed the bread. They were making a mid-study snack together.

Trent scratched the side of his neck. “What?”

“Do you want pickles?”

“Sure.”

“What’s up? You’ve been flaking on me. You barely paid attention when we talked about Stalin’s pogroms. Something on your mind?”

Trent’s frown deepened. “Paxton’s throwing a party this weekend.”

“Oh, cool? Have fun.”

“I was thinking maybe you could go with me.”

Devi almost dropped the pickle jar. “With – with you?”

She didn’t know why she was suddenly all butter fingers.

“Yeah… I mean, I know you’re _into_ Paxton…and I was thinking it would be a good opportunity. For you to talk to him and stuff.”

Devi’s shoulders sagged. “Oh. That.”

“I was thinking you’ve been doing so much for me…it’s the least I could do in return…” he trailed off, looking rather unhappy about his overture.

Devi felt a sudden angry throb in her forehead. “So…this is basically a pity invite. To thank the nerd for helping you pass tenth grade.”

Trent flinched like she’d just hit him. “Wow, that’s not what I –”

“How do you even know I’m into him? Did he _say_ anything?”

“No, I just – I know you guys almost hooked up once.”

Oh God. Had Paxton blabbed about that to him?

“That was just a rumor.”

“Okay. I’ve seen you looking at him in school. You _always_ look at him. Like he's all you care about.”

“What? No, I don’t. That's a gross oversimplification! And since when are you so observant? Half the time you’re trying to shove nickels up your nose.”

Trent took a step towards her.

Devi gulped and took a step back.

“That’s what you think of me?” he asked, all quiet. “That I’m just a dumbass?”

Devi looked up at him. Where was Kamala? Where was her mom? Why was no one in this house making sure she didn’t have to stand so close to him all the time?

“No… I don't think that. I’m sorry. I want to go to the party with you.”

“To talk to Paxton?” he asked, staring at her lips.

“To talk to Paxton,” she mirrored.

“Okay.”

“Okay.” 

Only after he was gone did Devi allow herself to go up to her room and lie down on the bed and scream in her pillow. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, this should've only been 2 chapters, but it's not my fault ben/paxton took over two thirds of it! honest to god, i was not expecting to get into them so much, but now i feel like they match so well? lol, let me know if i'm crazy.  
> hope you enjoy!

2/3

Ben lay on the deck chair with his feet propped against the backrest and his chin resting on the metal rim. It wasn’t his preferred position, and he was pretty sure his mom wouldn’t appreciate him putting that extra-weight on the pricey aluminized polyester mesh, but Paxton had decided to lie like that, and Ben couldn’t ruin the ‘vibe’ by sitting like a normal person. Besides, Paxton was smiling, which meant he was doing something right.

Paxton watched the far less athletic boy try to prop up his legs and strike a pose, flexing the nonexistent muscles of his back. His smile widened and turned into a playful smirk. It was so easy for him to look like he meant trouble. Ben smiled back, unsure of himself, but also feeling just the right amount of inadequate. Most of the buff guys at school smiled at Ben in mock-pity, but Paxton seemed to genuinely enjoy his antics.

Or maybe he just liked his massive pool and the massive mansion to go with it.

“I can’t believe you don’t just sit by the pool all day. I know I would,” Paxton drawled listlessly.

Ben scrunched up his nose against the sun. He’d left his sunglasses inside, but he’d be damned if he moved an inch right now. “Yeah well, it’s not that fun when you have it all to yourself.”

“Why don’t you have more people over? I bet they’d love it.”

“You mean people from school? I do. I host _tons_ of parties. You’ve been to most of them.”

Ben did not want to sound bitter, but it came out that way, a little bit. His house was always the designated party house, but it didn’t matter if he was present or not.

“I’m not talking about parties. I mean more like…small hang-outs. Just you and your crowd. Nothing too flashy.”

Ben scoffed. “I don’t do flashy.”

Paxton raised one eyebrow.

Okay, so maybe the floating karaoke stage had been a bit too try-hard last time, but Ben knew it was the only way to win clout with those people.

“Plus, my crowd…doesn’t really exist,” he added sheepishly. “It’s just the usual cliques that say hello to me and then proceed to ignore me.”

 _Whoa Ben_ , the voice inside his head broke off. _Slow down on the pity party or he’ll think you’re on suicide watch._

But Paxton chose to ignore his comment. “What about your girlfriend? I bet she looks good in a bikini.”

Ben knew this was supposed to be a compliment, but it sounded really unconvincing somehow, coming from Paxton. 

“Shira? She doesn’t like the sun.”

Paxton burst into soft peals of laughter. “ _What_? Who doesn’t like the sun?”

“Her. She says she’s got photosensitivity.”

Paxton planted his hands on the warm tiles. “You’re shitting me. She takes, like, five million pics a day.”

“Therein lies the irony,” Ben chuckled.

Paxton lowered himself towards the tiles and lifted himself up. And down and up. Again and again. He was doing sit-ups on the chair, somehow.

Ben watched him with rapt attention. How was he so graceful yet so ridiculous?

“Wait. You do know that photosensitivity doesn’t literally mean that you’re sensitive to photos, right?”

“It doesn’t?”

Ben laughed. “Not really. It means you’re sensitive to ultraviolet rays from the sun and other light sources, which could also include the camera flash.”

“Huh. Well, learned something new from my buddy today,” Paxton said with a wink.

Ben knew he meant Buddy as in the Buddy System at school, but for a moment it felt real. And maybe it was. Paxton Hall-Yoshida wasn’t the kind of guy to “fake” it. He hadn’t yet grasped the art of deception. He did not need to. Even though he wasn’t too forthcoming, he was easy to read. Ben had quickly learned what a bored versus an interested Paxton looked like. And in the last two weeks, he was proud to say Paxton had mostly seemed interested in what Ben had to say.

And he was not a little embarrassed to realize how much that meant to him.

“Do your parents like Shira?” Paxton suddenly asked, catching Ben off guard. He did that sometimes, sprang up questions like that on him.

“My parents? Well, they probably would if they ever met her.”

Paxton knocked his elbow against his. “You still haven’t introduced her? I get it. I don’t want my folks in my business either, unless that person is worth the bother.”

Ben felt the weird friction of warm skin against warm skin and wanted to withdraw, but at the same time he felt this must be an important ritual between boys. It was probably cemented in musty locker rooms, where beautiful people like Paxton could display their bodies without any kind of self-consciousness.

 _Beautiful people?_ his inner voice chimed in again. _Are you having a stroke?_

Ben shook his head. “Actually, it’s not that. I tried to introduce her several times, but it’s just never the right moment for them. They’re always out of town or too busy or…you know.”

Paxton frowned. He glanced at the empty house over his shoulder. Yeah, he knew, or he’d noticed, at least. The Grosses were never around. 

“You know, the first week, I thought you didn’t want me to meet them or something…” Paxton trailed off, surprising him for the second time that day.

Ben raised both eyebrows. “What gave you that idea?”

Paxton shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess I thought you were being private. I’m like that too.”

“Oh. I _wish_ I was more private. But what you see is pretty much what you get. This is my life.” Ben stared intently at the tiles, refusing to let himself sound any lamer.

Paxton knocked elbows again, and the warmth felt so different from the sun. “Hey, it’s a pretty good life, all things considered.”

Ben accepted the kindness. “I know.”

Paxton’s eyes lingered on the other boy’s body for a moment.

“Twenty bucks says you can’t do more than five sit-ups like this.”

Ben groaned. “Can’t I just give you the cash?”

“No way. Some things are worth more than money.”

Ben rolled his eyes dramatically. Paxton always had this holier-than-thou way of delivering spiritual life lessons. But Ben had started to notice some of it was tongue-in-cheek.

“Like watching me humiliate myself?”

The boy grinned. “You know it.”

Later, when they were both treading water in the pool, Paxton sank to the bottom, leaving a trail of bubbles in his wake. He sat on the pool floor like a sleeping Buddha. Ben wondered how long he could hold his breath. He hoped Paxton wouldn’t challenge him to do this too. One minute in, he worried that maybe Paxton had gotten a cramp or snagged his foot or something, so Ben foolishly dived after him to check. Paxton seized him like a shark. He plunged his hooks in his soft belly without even opening his eyes. He pinched and squeezed and made him shriek underwater, their bodies a uniform blur in the blue.

Ben couldn’t breathe, but he kind of liked it that way.

When they both emerged from the water, the laughter in his ears sounded a little hysterical, like he was making himself laugh it off.

He did not know how to define the weird way Paxton Hall-Yoshida made him feel. This whole thing had started as a way to mess with Devi and stay on top of their rivalry. He had not expected the star swimmer to actually show up for their study sessions or give a damn about his grades. He’d certainly not expected for Paxton to have a personality.

He must have missed out on this kind of boyish intimacy because he’d never had a best friend at camp or ridden bikes or gone trick or treating with a gaggle of boys. So, this is what this was.

Right?

Just a boy realizing he could have fun with another boy.

But days later, he was still thinking about it, about the easy way they were around each other, and how it was never actually _easy_ , not friendly or comfortable, but _free_ , ungoverned by the social rules imposed at school. 

He scrolled down his timeline and poured over pictures of his girlfriend and felt a hole inside himself. But it wasn’t just loneliness.

The screen showed him a text from Paxton.

_Are we still on for the Clippers game?_

Ben sat up, feeling a strange burst of happiness.

_Definitely._

_U sure you don’t wanna go with your dad instead?_

But Ben knew Paxton was just being polite.

Ben’s dad would never be able to make it. And for once, Ben was happy about it. 

_I’m sure._

He hadn’t told Paxton it was his birthday. It would have burdened their still premature friendship, but he didn’t care about his birthday anymore. It was enough to hang out with him and feel included in…something. Something different.

Paxton sent several party emojis as a reply and Ben thought it was the cleverest thing.

He fell back on the pillow with a wistful sigh.

_Oh fuck._

This wasn’t good.

Party emojis weren’t clever.

He had a crush.

On Paxton Hall-Yoshida.

_Fuuuuuuuuuuuck._

That wasn’t supposed to happen. He wasn’t –

Well, he didn’t know for sure. Maybe he was bi, but how would _he_ know? He was too young to figure himself out, wasn’t he?

Anyway, Devi was the one with the obnoxious crush.

In fact, this was all _her_ fault.

If it hadn’t been for her, he wouldn’t be in this mess. But what was he going to do? Blame her for his own hubris?

No, what he needed to do was get a grip. Refocus. The important thing was to finish the semester with a perfect average. Paxton Hall-Yoshida was just a part of that. They would stay friends, at most. Because what the hell else would they be? 

Ben laughed to himself. He was being ridiculous. Nothing had happened and nothing would. It was normal. It was fine.

It _was_ fine until they almost kissed at the Clippers game.

The Kiss Cam happened to zoom in on the two of them because they must’ve looked cozy together. Hey, baseball was progressive now. Paxton laughed it off as just something _fun_ they could try because the audience thought they were cute and he was confident in his masculinity. Or maybe he wanted to fuck with Ben. He couldn’t be sure. But Ben almost gave in and Paxton almost brushed his lips against his and Ben was pretty sure he heard him whisper “happy birthday” because he’d found out _somehow_ , and Ben pulled away first because he was so fucking _terrified_ , and then they both did, because this wasn’t a game. And anyway, the camera had moved on.

Maybe it wasn’t Shira who was photosensitive.

Paxton left first.

Ben just sat there, watching the game blind.

The next day, he broke up with Shira during one of her Insta lives.

* * *

Devi blamed America. It was American culture’s fault that her mother couldn’t be home right now to stop her from going to the party.

Normally, Devi would have relied on Nalini to make the choices for her and keep her away from all things fun. But her mother was currently at her friend’s house. Nalini had made a friend at the clinic, a very emotional woman called _Bianca_ whose husband had apparently left her without even leaving a note and Nalini was going to stay over at her place for the night to comfort her. And Devi couldn’t grasp the concept of her mother, Nalini Vishwakumar, dropping her usual responsibilities to hang out with a woman who was not part of their extended family network, just to watch her mope and eat ice cream.

“You tell me if that doesn’t sound insane,” she told Kamala, whom she expected would understand. But Kamala, in her wise and annoying grown-up way, told her that her mother knew what it was like to lose someone she loved and that she might even find the experience rewarding, because “misery loves company”. Like that even made sense.

“Thanks, Hallmark Channel,” Devi muttered, annoyed at the sequence of events which had brought her here. Did she have the strength to be her mother and keep herself away from a social event she knew would probably not end well?

Devi stood in front of her closet, warring with herself, though from the outside it looked like she was having a small stroke. Why was it that her two decent tops and skirts were in the laundry basket? Why did she have nothing to wear except saris and “modesty” dresses her mother had bought from a Christian outlet in an attempt at multiculturalism?

“You should wear that cute red dress you wore at Cousin Anika’s wedding,” Kamala chimed in from the doorway.

Devi whirled. “That dress literally reaches my ankles and – wait – you think I should _go_?”

Kamala shrugged. “That Trent boy will be sad if you don’t.”

Devi folded her arms. “How do you know that?”

“Because he’s in our driveway right now, and he looks pretty worried. Like you might not show up.”

“He’s _what_? Kamala! Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I thought you were getting ready!”

“I’m not ready! Does this look ready to you?” she asked, pointing at her hoodie and shorts.

Kamala raised her hands. “Okay, here is what we’ll do. I’ll ask him in for cookies and tea and you take out that red dress from the wrapper.”

“I’m not wearing that thing!”

But Kamala was already rushing down the stairs.

Devi wondered if she could alter the hemline of a dress in under five minutes. Or maybe she could alter the hemline of the space-time continuum and not be Devi Vishwakumar.

And then she heard his voice in her ear.

Dad.

_It’s how you wear your smile that makes you, you, darling._

She felt a dimple in her left cheek. Her lips trembled.

_There, that’s my beautiful girl._

Good thing she wasn't wearing any eyeliner.

Devi had watched enough teen movies to know that the slow-motion walk down the stairs was not only a classic, but a tired cliché at this point. She was _not_ going to have that kind of moment, and definitely not in this pre-colonial era dress.

But as she carefully held up the hem and made her way downstairs, she resented the swarm of butterflies in her belly. Why couldn’t they go away? Why was she so nervous?

It only got worse when Trent spotted her.

He almost dropped the full plate of cookies he was holding.

“Whoa.”

It was, she decided, an appreciative _whoa_. Not a “is she going to reveal she’s secretly a Mormon?” kind of _whoa_.

His eyes raked over her in a way she found both exciting and nerve-wracking.

She held up a finger. “Don’t say anything. I know I look like I’m going to the Yule Ball, but I don’t have anything else to wear, apparently.”

Trent had to take a second. “Wait, is that _Harry Potter_?”

Devi beamed. “You listened to the audiobooks I sent you?”

“Oh yeah,” he said, eyes still straying to her figure, “I think I’m on book five. Is that the one where that really hot old lady makes everyone do extra-homework?”

Devi guffawed. “You’re the only person in the world who thinks _Umbridge_ is hot.”

“She’s got that dominatrix thing going.”

“Ugh, okay, I need to bleach my ears.”

They both sort of chuckled, but there was a weird tension in the air.

Kamala cleared her throat behind them.

“Devi, are you going to stand by the stairs all night or are you two going to a party?”

They shuffled awkwardly in the hallway, Devi grabbing her purse, Trent giving back the cookies. It felt like a first date, which was so _not_ the point. But Devi’s stomach did another small flip when he walked her to his mom’s car.

“I borrowed it for the night. Mom said I shouldn’t drive the scooter after dark because of coyotes and other road animals. And I figure you already got bitten by one, so...”

His explanation was somehow both really terrible and really sweet. And he smiled at her in this private way that told her he had just borrowed it for her.

 _Uh-oh_ , Devi thought, _I’m in trouble._

**Author's Note:**

> for anyone wondering, the man-bun look was inspired by this pic of the actor https://celebpie.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/2b750d2d1ebed70cdb821bddfd1bf5.jpg


End file.
